Finding uncommon joy in my children
I am often met with concern for the fact that I love spending time with my children. I am frequently asked, “Aren’t you exhausted?” “No date night since she was born?” “Still sleep with your toddler?” “Still nursing?!” “Don’t you need a break?” “How do you do it?”
Maybe for a second or two, I lapse into agreement with these statements expressing concern for my wellbeing. Yes, it is tiring spending every waking minute with my toddler and meeting her every need. You’re right, I am exhausted!
But then, I come to my senses. Being a parent is not about the parent. It’s about the child. I am confident that my child feels secure, loved, and nourished. I love spending time with my children, and wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Doesn’t the gratification from raising your child replace whatever sense of satisfaction there was in serving yourself?”
Natural Brood
Sure, parents need to be ok mentally and physically before being able to effectively care for their children. But parents have to make sacrifices for our children. Our needs can no longer be what they used to be. I have reduced my needs (sleep, standards of cleanliness of myself and our home, exercise, self pampering, to name a few) to meet the additional needs of my child. I do the bare minimum to take care of myself, and focus on my child. Isn’t it fulfilling to meet your child’s needs? Doesn’t the gratification from raising your child replace whatever sense of satisfaction there was in serving yourself? Unfortunately, it seems I may be in limited company here.
Most often, I am perplexed why most parents I meet—mothers in particular—are doing everything they can to escape from their children. I have trouble relating how how little they seem to care about the needs of their children.
Some common attitudes about spending time with children
“Daycare is great. I know she is upset but I don’t have to hear my child crying during the day.”
My thought bubble: I can’t rest knowing my child is in distress, especially if I’m not with them.
“It’s awesome, I get my toddler up in the morning and drop them off at daycare right away. It’s so great, they provide breakfast.”
My thought bubble: You get rid of your child as quickly as they wake up? Making and eating breakfast together every morning is such a sweet time together as a family. We love making our toddler a nourishing breakfast.
“It is the greatest feeling dropping the kids off at daycare and then you can have some peace and quiet at home.”
My thought bubble: I understand wanting some time to yourself, but, whenever kids aren’t around (rarely), I miss the noisy chaos. It feels lonely without them.
“Our daycare is amazing, you should check it out. They offer evening care so that we can go on date nights.”
My thought bubble: So your child has to spend the evening at daycare after being away from you all day? I wonder how the kid feels about that.
“Are you looking for a daycare or help or a mother’s day out program? It sounds like you need a break. Do I need to help you?”
My thought bubble: I enjoy caring for my children. I am embracing this season of life.
“As long as childcare is involved, I will be there.”
My thought bubble: Anything to escape from your children? I don’t want to attend if my kids cannot come with me.
“I can’t wait to get back to work after maternity leave.”
My thought bubble: I don’t want to return to work. I can’t bear the thought of letting somebody else care for my baby. My baby needs me and we are meant to be together during infancy.
“I could never look after my child full-time. I would go insane.”
My thought bubble: Why did you have kids if you don’t want to or are incapable of caring for them?
Be unapologetic about spending time with your family
Perhaps parents who feel entrapped by their children and feel the urge to escape have some inner work to do. For now, I am content with my decision to spend all my time with my family. I am confident and unapologetic that I love spending time with my children. I won’t let others’ opinions disrupt our parenting philosophy or change our decisions to prioritize our children’s needs. I am happiest when cherishing and nourishing my family and holding them close.